Disclaimer: Nope, these characters aren't mine.

Category: VRA
Classification: Mulder/Scully UST
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Christmas Carol, Emily
Archive: Gossamer, Spookys. Others ask me.
Feedback: Knock yourself out.
Summary: This was a challenge submitted by Kate to the XPFRS
Literary Vault entitled: Emily: Alive and Kicking - What would
happen if Emily had recovered and didn't die? What would Scully
do about it? Would she stay on at the FBI? How would it affect
Mulder?  Here's my idea of how this event would unfold.
Thanks to: Virtual recognition and praise go out to Sara Lynn.
Your certificate's in the mail, honey. <g>

"Sacrifice" (1/1)
by Lisa
(haven599@msn.com)


February 1998
Scully's apartment
7:41 p.m.


    Scully sat at the kitchen table finishing up her dinner, watching
Emily - her daughter - play with some toys on the floor.  Her life
had changed so much since Christmas.
    Changed for the better.  She was a *mother.*
    Ever since her doctor told her that the cancer and its treatment
left her unable to conceive a child, she felt this emptiness inside
her, a sense of longing that she thought would never be satisfied.
    Until now.
    Emily was slowly warming up to her.  She called her Dana, which
was understandable since the only woman she thought of as her mother
died.  How could she even possibly begin to tell Emily the real truth?
Especially since it was hard for her to completely understand.
    Mulder had been wonderful with Emily, bringing her little presents
each time he came over.  He made her laugh, which was good, given
her health status.  Scully never expected Mulder to be good with
children for some reason.  He would probably make a good father.
    Scully had done and is still doing research on autoimmune hemolytic
anemia for her daughter.  Emily as of late wasn't in need of any
medication.  Scully hoped it would continue, since the episode at
Christmas drained her both physically and emotionally.
    It was hard to believe Emily was as sick as she was.  She
appeared to be a normal, healthy three year old.
 Her illness, coupled with the fact that Scully had been thrust
into the role of a parent practically overnight, had left her feeling
scared and unsure. A feeling she hated, but would never admit to
anyone left her feeling like she was set adrift in an ocean of
parenting choices, hoping and praying she would pick the best one
for her daughter.
    A knock at the door drew her out of reverie over insecurities.
Scully walked over to the door with Emily hurrying to catch up.
"Let's see who it is first."  She peered through the peephole.
"It's Mulder."
    Scully opened the door and Emily smiled as he walked through the
door with his hands behind his back.  "Guess which one has the
surprise." He knelt down in front of her.
    Emily thought about it for a couple seconds and pointed to his
left arm.  "You're right!" he exclaimed, presenting her with a gray
and white striped Beanie Baby cat.
    "What do you say, sweetie?" Scully reminded her daughter.
    "Thank you, Mulder," she said in a sing-song voice and ran back
over to her toys, examining the new cat carefully.
    Mulder turned to Scully.  "How did it go today?" he asked.
    Scully sat back down at the kitchen table and Mulder followed
suit, taking the chair opposite her.
    "The social worker gave me more things to read," Scully sighed,
pointing to the pamphlets on the table.  'Caring for a Child with
a Chronic Illness' and 'Your Special Needs Child' were a couple of
the titles. "She said everything's fine.  The fact that I've
taken a temporary leave of absence from work is helping my case.
All my time is devoted to her, but it may be up to a year before
I have permanent custody of Emily."
    Mulder reached across the table and touched her hand. "I'm
sorry, Scully."  he said.  "I wish things could move faster for
you."
    "As long as I get custody of my daughter, that's all that
matters."  She smiled at him.  "What brings you over here tonight?"
    Mulder released her hand, looking down at the table. "Nothing,
really.  Just to see Emily and give her the toy." he quickly replied.
    Scully sensed there was more.  "Mulder, what is it?" she
prompted.
    "It's nothing.  Don't worry about it.  You have enough to deal
with now."  He glanced over at Emily, playing with the toy he had
given her.
    "Mulder," Scully said, getting his attention again. "Just
because I'm not at the FBI, doesn't mean I want to be kept in
the dark. Don't shut me out," she added softly.
 "Skinner told me that there is a committee already formed to
review the X-Files," he stated.  "More than likely they are going
to decide its fate."
 Mulder took a deep breath and then said: "There's a pretty good
chance the X-Files will be closed."
 "Oh, Mulder, I'm sorry."  Scully touched his hand lightly. "But,
you've worked on the X-Files alone before. Why would they -"
 Mulder noticed the expression on her face change.
 "It's because of me, isn't it? I'm no longer there to supervise
your activities and they're . . . Can't Skinner do anything?" Scully
got up from the table and grabbed a couple cans of Diet Coke from
the refrigerator.
 Mulder shook his head. "No.  He's been reviewing every case
to determine if we solved any or if we're just wasting the Bureau's
time and money." He opened the can and took a long swig.
 Resuming her place at the table, Scully asked: "Are you going
to be transferred?"
 "I don't even know if I'll still have a job," he said. "I'm
not the Bureau's model employee," he said with a slight smile.
 "Surely they won't let you go. If they need me to come in to
attest to the fact that you're a good agent I will, Mulder. I'll -"
Scully offered.
 "I don't think it will go that far, Scully." I really don't
know much more myself." Mulder fiddled with the tab on his Diet
Coke can.
 No one said anything for a few minutes. Then Scully spoke: "I
can't go back to work, Mulder.  I have to be here for Emily."
 "I know. I'm not asking for that," he replied.
 Scully continued as if she didn't hear his response. "Emily is
my number one priority now. I'm her primary caregiver and I have
to . . ."  Scully paused before continuing, "That doesn't mean that
you're not important to me, Mulder. I just-" Scully put her hands
over her face in a gesture of exhaustion.
 "I know." Mulder heard her begin to cry. "Scully, I'm sorry, I
didn't mean to upset you."
 Emily came into the kitchen. "Why is Dana crying?" she asked.
 Mulder picked the child up and carried her into the other room.
"C'mon, let's go sit on the couch."
 "Why did you make Dana cry?" She was sitting next to Mulder now.
 "I told her something that made her sad," he answered.
 "Why? Emily had a look of concern on her face. "I don't want
Dana to be sad."
 "Sometimes we have to hear things that make us feel sad. Dana
and I always tell each other the truth, even if it does upset us."
Mulder looked over at Scully, who was wiping away tears. "Always."
 Emily was still looking over at Scully.
 "I'll go check on her.  Be right back," Mulder told the
child.
 Mulder knelt beside Scully's chair. "Are you okay?" he whispered,
touching her shoulder gently.
 Scully nodded.  "Just give me a few minutes."
 Mulder's hand lingered on her shoulder a few seconds before
returning his attention to Emily. "She just needs some quiet time,"
he said, kneeling down to be on the child's level. "Why don't we
play with your toys?"
 That response distracted her and Emily followed Mulder over in
the corner and picked up a crayon, proceeding to finish coloring the
picture she had begun earlier in the day.
 Mulder followed suit and stretched out on the carpeting, coloring
the opposite page. Emily looked up and smiled at him as he did this.
 Scully padded over to the couch quietly and took in the scene.
She smiled to herself, enjoying seeing the two of them together.
 After a few minutes of this, Scully slowly drifted off to sleep.
 Emily whispered to Mulder to turn around and look at Scully.
 "She's asleep," Mulder confirmed.
 "I think Dana needs to go to bed," Emily stated.
 Mulder nodded. "She does, doesn't she?" He got up and went over
to her. Scooping Scully into his arms, Mulder carried her into the
bedroom.
 Emily watched in wide-eyed fascination as he did this.
 When Mulder returned, he and Emily resumed their coloring for a
few minutes before she spoke again. "Is Dana going to be okay?"
 Mulder set his crayon down and looked at the child. "Yes, she
will.  I'll make sure of it."

****

    Scully awakened and didn't hear Emily. She hurried into the living
room only to find Mulder and her daughter asleep on the couch.
Glancing over to the kitchen clock, she was surprised to see it
was way past two o'clock in the morning.  Gently lifting Emily up,
Scully carried the sleeping child back into her bedroom and closed
the door softly.
 By the time Scully returned, Mulder was already awake. "I'm
sorry," she said.
 "For what?"
 Scully went into the kitchen and began straightening up the
table. "For falling asleep and leaving you to watch Emily."
 "No problem," he said. "We had fun coloring."
 "I'm glad," Scully replied.
 "She was concerned about you," Mulder told her.
 "I know," she answered. "I'm fine now."
 "Once you return to work, things will be different," Mulder
announced.
 Scully sighed. "I don't know if I am, Mulder."
 Mulder got off the couch and walked over to her. "What?"
 "I can't return to The X-Files, Mulder. It's just not possible."
Scully knew that's not what he wanted to hear, but it had to be
said. "I have a responsibility to my daughter now and the X-Files
is not conducive to my lifestyle now. I need to provide a stable
home for Emily."
 "I know," Mulder said. "But what about us?"
 "Please don't make me choose," Scully said, fearing the tears
threatening to come.
 "I wouldn't do that," he replied.
 "It sounds like that to me," Scully said, trying not to become
emotional.  "I'm considering going back to teaching at Quantico or
possibly a job as an M.E. Something that's an eight to five job,
so I'll have my nights free." Scully turned on the faucet and
quickly finished up washing some dishes.  Mulder was slumped down
in a kitchen chair.  She was just waiting for him to begin arguing
with her.
 This was the way it had to be now. Their lives had to be separate.
 "Scully?"
 He finally said something. The silence was almost killing her.
 "This can't be the beginning of the end for us," he told her.
 "I hope not," she replied softly, her voice a bit shaky.
 Mulder slowly walked over to her, his body only a few inches
from hers when he spoke these next words: "I don't want us to grow
apart."
 Scully shook her head, but her eyes were focused on the floor.
"I -"
 Mulder tilted her chin up, looking into her eyes now.  "I want
you to be a part of our lives," Scully said with tears in her eyes.
"We need you."
 Mulder gathered her close and pressed his lips into her hair.
He could feel her trembling a little and rubbed his hands slowly
up and down her back.
    Scully felt as if she was just thrown a life preserver.

****

END (1/1)