Disclaimer: Nope, these characters aren't mine.

Category: VA
Classification: Mulder/Scully UST
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Timeline for this piece is late fifth to early sixth season
Archive: Gossamer. Spookys. Others ask me.
Feedback: Knock yourself out.
Summary: Mulder decides to confess to Scully.  
Thanks to: Sara Lynn and Shannon for the beta and encouragement.  

Author's Note: This is a series of vignettes that should be read 
in a certain order. The stories in the Intimate Deception universe
include, in order: Fantasy, Betrayal, Disclosure and Reality. 


"Intimate Deception: Disclosure"
by Lisa  
(haven599@msn.com)


    Scully hardly talked to me the next few days.  Well, except for 
work-related stuff, of course.  

    I knew it was because of that night.  I wasn't going to bring 
anything up, since I didn't want to explain the *real* reason 
I was seeing Kelly.  

    I feared I would have to pretty soon. The hurt and anger was 
hidden under her professionalism, but was threatening to come to
the surface if pushed.   

    Last Friday, I left work early and Scully asked if I was seeing 
Kelly.  I lied and told her yes. I hadn't seen Kelly since that night,
and I wasn't planning to, either.  Now that Scully knew my secret, I 
felt the relationship with Kelly shouldn't continue.  The guilt was 
too much for me now.    

    I saw the disappointment in her eyes again.  Was it because 
she wanted to be the one I was with?  Or because this woman was 
a Scully look-alike? I wanted to believe the former. 

    I should have known when Scully asked me to come over to her
apartment for dinner that she was going to pump me for information 
about Kelly.  I decided I was going to pretend it was a date. I 
couldn't quite leave my fantasy world just yet.  

    She asked me questions about Kelly and I gave her vague answers,
trying to prolong the inevitable as much as possible.  I guess I'm a 
sadist, after all.  

    Until she said: "I guess you just secretly want to be dating me,
right, Mulder?" 

    Scully didn't realize she had just hit the nail on the head.  

    I took the bait.  "I can't, Scully.  You won't let me." 

    She smiled.  "C'mon, Mulder be serious." 

    "How long are we going to play this game, Scully?"  I asked.

    "What game?" she replied, the smile fading. "What are you
talking about, Mulder?"

    "Ignoring the extent of our feelings for each other."  I knew
I was pushing her, but felt I had nothing to lose now that she knew
about Kelly.  

    "Of course I care about you, Mulder," she told me.  

    I could tell this conversation was making her nervous.  She was 
pushing the rest of her food around the plate, not looking at me. 
"Then why don't you tell me? Better yet, show me." 

    She got up from the table.  "I'm sure Kelly does." 

    I followed her into the living room.  "Yes, she does." 

    "That's great, Mulder," she told me.  "That's really great.
I'm glad things are going so well.  Maybe she's the one for you." 

    "No, Scully she's not," I said. "You're the one I want. She's 
just a substitute."  

    Scully poured herself another glass of wine, this was her  
fourth glass, I thought.  She did seem a little tipsy, and her
next words confirmed it. "Maybe I should find someone who looks
like you and then start seeing him, she said, her voice flippant.
We could double date.  Talk about an X-File, right?"  

    "Scully, did you hear what I said?"  I took the glass out of 
her hand.  "She's just a substitute for you."  I reached for her 
arm.

    "Don't touch me, Mulder."  She pulled herself out of my grip.
"Save that for your girlfriend." 

    I set the wine glass on the counter.  "She's not my girlfriend,
Scully," I said a bit too loudly. "I'm paying for her to be with
me.  She's an escort. I wanted her because she looks exactly like
you.  I'm paying her to be you. To dress like you. To do everything
you won't do for me."  

    She walked away from me.  Turned her back to me.  I thought
I could hear her crying.  She didn't say anything for a long time. 
I could hardly stand the silence. 

    "So that's why she didn't look as surprised as I was when we
met,"  Scully whispered finally. 

    "Scully, I -"

    "Shut up, Mulder.  Just shut up!" she yelled. 

    She faced me now.  I could see the tears in her eyes. They 
startled me.    

    "You should have just asked me.  It would've saved you a lot of
money."   She began to unbutton her blouse.  

    "Scully, what are you doing?" 

    "Fulfilling your fantasy, Mulder," she replied. 

    "Scully, you don't have to -" 

    "This is what you want, right?"  The shirt was tossed aside 
on the couch.    

    She was so close to me I could reach out and take her breasts
in my hands. I wanted to make love to her right there on the couch.
Right now.  Her hands moved down to her pants.  

    "Scully, stop. Right now," I demanded. 

    "Is this what you see me as, Mulder, some tramp parading 
around in her underwear?" She moved back from me just a little
before continuing, "After all the time we've worked together and
all we've accomplished as partners - it's just been about sex?
That's all I mean to you?" 

    "You know that's not true," I said. "You can't really believe
that."

    I picked up her shirt from the couch.  "Put this back on."

    She grabbed it from me, trying to button it quickly.  "Get the 
hell out of my apartment.  Now." 

    "Scully -" 

    "Now, Mulder."  The tears she'd been holding back were now
starting to roll down her cheeks.

    I walked out the door just as I heard her start to cry for real.

****

    I got to work the next day only to find out from Skinner that
Scully wasn't working on the X-Files with me.  Skinner said she 
had requested a temporary assignment away from the X-Files, stating disagreements with me over a current case. 

    At first, I couldn't believe she went behind my back like that.
But then I realized -- didn't I do the same thing to her?

    I needed an explanation from her. So when I ran into her towards
the end of the day in my office, I cornered her, shutting the door
before she could make a quick escape.  

    Scully looked up from her paperwork, a guilty look on her
face.  "I misplaced a few receipts for my expense report and 
thought they may be among your things."  

    "I haven't seen anything.  If I run across some I'll give . . .
find a way to get them to you," I told her.  "Scully -" 

    She barely looked at me.  "Mulder, I'm busy. I don't want to
get into this here."

    "Scully, I'm sorry. I don't want you to leave the X-Files."

    "Sorry isn't good enough, Mulder," she said, her voice harsh.
"I can't stand to look at you right now, and I sure as hell don't
want to work with you."  She paused, and in a lower voice admitted,
"I don't know if I ever will be able to." Then her voice turned
scathing. "Why don't you get your *girlfriend* over here? Since
she's pretending to be me - surely she can do my job, right?" 

    There was so much anger and hurt in her voice.  What could 
I say to change it when I was the cause of it? I watched her walk
out the door. 

    That was the last I saw of her, except an occasional glimpse in 
the hallways.  Obviously, she kept finding ways to avoid returning
to the X-Files.  I was assigned a partner temporarily until Scully 
decided to return to me.  In more ways than one.  That looked less 
likely the longer we were apart.  

    In a way, I was happy that Kelly made her presence known that
night. I didn't have to keep this secret from Scully anymore. I 
no longer felt like I was cheating on her.  For awhile I had both
women; now I have neither. 

    I have no one to blame but myself.  Once again I screwed up 
and it hurt Scully.  Very much. 

    I thought she was going to open up to me one day when I 
found her in my office eating yogurt and doing paperwork. 

    "I thought you were out of town," she said.  "I'll get my 
stuff together and leave you alone."

    Her eyes looked red like she had had been crying. "That's
all right."  It didn't seem like her to cry at work, even if she
was all alone down here. I decided to give it a shot and see if
she would talk to me. "Scully, what's wrong?" 

    "Nothing, Mulder." She threw the container away and piled the
papers into her arms quickly.

    "Anytime you want to talk, just let me know." I left it up to
her to decide.  She looked as if she wanted to say something, but
just hurried to the elevator.

    The following evening the phone rang and I heard: "Why, Mulder?
If you can explain it to me then perhaps I can try to understand.
I can't promise anything, but -" 

    "I know, but all I want is a chance."  

****
END  

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